Have you ever asked someone on a date, wanted to progress a friendship out of the friend zone only to be and told that they arent interested?
Your long term girlfriend or boyfriend no longer has the same feelings for you or even end up cheating. The friend with benefits you’ve been meeting for 6 months still just isnt ready. It can really hit home and have you thinking all sorts of questions, why arent I good enough? What is it about me? Will I ever find someone that will genuinely love me back? When you’re full of doubt and not sure about your self worth, recognise that you are not alone.
Learning to accept that you are not the problem is no easy feat and in your journey of self discovery and building your self worth you should remember this:
Dont feel bad about doing whats best for you
If you want to cut all ties because staying in contact is going to be too much for you. Do it. Don’t feel bad because they still want their cake and eat it. If you think its best to take some time out and have some space thats fine. You shouldn’t have to bear a front and pretend if you dont want to. If they can’t respect that, be polite and leave them to it.
Its ok to be sad about it
There will be that initial period where you need to time adjust and accept where you stand and how you feel. Maybe you’re upset about it or feel confused. Embrace how you feel and take it how it comes.
Know that you deserve more
We all have our own strengths and weaknesses and none of them make you any less or more of a person. Just because someone else cannot appreciate you and your flaws doesnt mean somebody else won’t. Its important to have confidence in yourself to know that you are still amazing and one persons (sometimes negative) opinion of you and where they see you in their life shouldn’t devalue your worth.
Dont try to change their mind
It can be easy to stick around and wait for the perfect moment when they realise that your amazing and get them to believe all the good things that your friends and family say about you but the truth is youre wasting your time and making it harder for yourself. If they wanted you around they wouldn’t let you go in the first place. You shouldn’t have to prove your worth or that you’re good enough and if they cant see that then its their loss. Theres no need to walk away with a chip on your shoulder (no matter how much it hurts) so dont walk away with any regrets because you cant control your feelings.
Accept it may take time
This obviously depends on how involved you were with them. If it was a really close connected relationship, dont expect to be over it in one night. I actually think going through the motions and accepting that it will take time helps to get over them. It allows you time to think and process things rather than covering up your feelings and pretending youre over them, which 3 months later will only resurface. Do what you enjoy and make yourself feel better. Watch tv shows, write, go to dinner, whatever makes you feel good.
You will get over it
Remember what I said about dont walk away with a chip on your shoulder? Well exchanging nasty words was only a waste of time because eventually, you really wont care anymore. 6 months later you’ll be reciting Flatbush Zombies saying ‘new phone who dis’ when he (or she) comes crawling back. The world isnt over and you will meet someone new. You’ll be grateful that things didnt work out and remember that actually you do slay. So drink to that.
What do you think? Would you agree with the above or add anything? I would love to hear!